The WAG's Diary by Alison Kervin

Author:Alison Kervin
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers

Tuesday, 6 November

10 a.m.

Oh my god!!!! Saucepan Head, the features-editor woman (except it turns out her name is Susan Sped) has just called to say that she has never seen anything like it! Apparently the Daily Mail’s whole email system almost went down overnight with the weight of responses to my article.

‘Was it because it was so terrible?’ I asked.

‘Er, no!’ she responded. ‘Not at all. Your article was funny and silly and everyone adored it.’

Here we go, I thought—it’s all about the other f-word again.

‘Did you really think it was funny?’ I ask. ‘I mean, didn’t you think it was useful and helpful and good advice?’

Susan laughs so loudly I think she’s having some sort of breakdown. ‘I adore you,’ she shrieks at me. ‘I fucking adore you.’

Her exclamation seems both unwarranted and inappropriate, so I just stand there, looking at the mouthpiece, waiting for her to calm down. ’Fucking marvellous. Must go,’ she squeals, and the line goes dead.

Simon emails to say he thought the piece was good—‘very funny’ he concludes.

‘Why?’ I email back to him. ‘I’m not trying to be funny. I’m just trying to help people understand about the life of a Wag.’

‘You rock,’ he replies.

Is that any sort of reply? Christ, it’s not even a sentence. Simon’s only connection with Paris Hilton, perhaps—neither of them can finish a sentence.

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